Moral and Practices:
Kind Treatment of wives
Generocity
Honesty
Trustworthiness
Humility
Respect

Kind Treatment of Wives

God instructs men to be nice to their wives and to treat them well to the best of their ability:

“…And live with them in kindness…” (Quran 4:19)

The Messenger of God said, The most perfect of believers in belief is the best of them in character.  The best of you are those who are the best to their women.’[1]  The Prophet of Mercy tells us that a husband’s treatment of his wife reflects a Muslim’s good character, which in turn is a reflection of the man’s faith.  How can a Muslim husband be good to his wife?  He should smile, not hurt her emotionally, remove anything that will harm her, treat her gently, and be patient with her.

Being nice includes good communication.  A husband should be willing to open up, and be willing to listen to his wife.  Many times a husband wants to air his frustrations (like work).  He should not forget to ask her about what annoys her (like when children would not do their homework).  A husband should not talk about important things with her when he or his wife is angry, tired, or hungry.  Communication, compromise, and consideration are the cornerstone of marriage.

Being nice includes encouraging one’s wife.  The most meaningful admiration comes from a sincere heart that notices what really matters — what the wife really values.  So a husband should ask himself what she feels most insecure about and discover what she values.  That is the wife’s sweet spot of praise.  The more the husband compliments it, the more the wife will admire it, the more on target this healthy habit will be.  Kind words are like, “I like the way you think,” “You look beautiful in those clothes,” and “I love hearing your voice on the phone.”

Human beings are imperfect.  The Messenger of God said, “A believing man should not hate a believing woman.  If he dislikes something in her character, he should be pleased with some other trait of hers.”[2]  A man should not hate his wife because if he dislikes something in her, he will find something he likes about her if he gives it a chance.  One way to be aware of what he likes in his wife is for the husband to make a list of a half dozen things he appreciates about her.  Marriage experts recommend that one be as specific as possible and focus on character traits — just as the Prophet of Islam recommended, not just what she does for the husband.  For example, a husband may appreciate the way she arranges his clean laundry, but the underlying character trait may be that she is thoughtful.  The husband should consider admirable traits such as being compassionate, generous, kind, devout, creative, elegant, honest, affectionate, energetic, gentle, optimistic, committed, faithful, confident, cheerful, and so on.  A husband should give himself some time to construct this list, and review it in times of conflict when he is most likely to feel averse towards his wife.  It will help him be more aware of his wife’s good attributes and far more likely to compliment them.

A companion asked the Prophet of God what is the right of a wife over her husband?’  He said, “That you feed her when you eat and clothe her when you clothe yourself and do not strike her face.  Do not malign her and do not keep apart from her, except in the house.”[3]

Conflict in marriage is virtually inevitable and it leads to lot of anger.  Although anger is one of the most difficult emotions to manage, the first step toward controlling it can be learning how to forgive those who hurt us.  In case of conflict, a husband should not stop talking to his wife and emotionally hurt her, but he may stop sleeping in the same bed if it will improve the situation.  Under no circumstance, even when he is angry or somehow feels justified, is a husband allowed to malign her by using hurtful words or cause her any injury.

“And verily you, O Muhammad, are on an exalted standard of character.” (Quran 68:4)

Generosity was among the countless good qualities of the Prophet Muhammad.  He was the most generous of people and he used to be most generous in Ramadan.[1]

One day the Prophet Muhammad offered the prayer in the mosque and then hurriedly went to his house and returned immediately.  A companion asked  why he left and he replied,

“I left a piece of gold at home which was given for charity and I disliked letting it remain a night in my house, so I bought it to the mosque to distribute.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)

Our worldly possessions are bounties from God, who is Al Kareem, the Most Generous.  Muslims believe that everything originates from God and everything will return to Him, thus, it is logical to behave as if that which we possess is merely a loan, something we are obligated to preserve, protect and ultimately share.

Whenever Prophet Muhammad met a miserly person, he advised him to be more generous and charitable.  Ibn `Abbas said that he heard Prophet Muhammad say, “The believer is not the one who eats when his neighbour beside him is hungry,” another companion heard the Prophet say, “The believer is simple and generous, but the wicked person is deceitful and ignoble.”

Generosity Defined

Princeton University wordnet defines generosity as the willingness to give freely.  Islam encourages this concept of generosity so much so that it is embedded in one of the five pillars of Islam, the obligatory charity known as Zakaat.  In Arabic, the term zakaat literally means purification of the heart however; it is also the payment, from surplus money, of an obligatory charity designed by God to provide for all the needy members of the community.  It is a fixed calculable amount.

There is also another form of generosity in Islam called sadaqa.  Linguistically, sadaqa means truthfulness, and some scholars have described it as the heart being truthful to its Creator. Anything given generously - freely to others - with the intention of pleasing God is sadaqa.  Sadaqa can be as simple as a smile, helping an elderly person with their groceries or removing objects from the road or path.

Generosity can be viewed as a wise investment in the future. Generosity or sadaqa may pave the way to Paradise because with every generous act comes great reward from God. However, being generous does not only mean giving freely from what you have in abundance.  Generosity does not lie in giving away something that is no longer useful but in giving freely from the things we love or need.

Aisha (the wife of the Prophet) said, “A lady, along with her two daughters came to me asking for some alms, but she found nothing with me except one date which I gave to her and she divided it between her two daughters.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)

God tells us in the Quran that whatever we give away generously, with the intention of pleasing Him, He will replace it. God knows what is in the hearts of men.

Say: “Truly, my Lord enlarges the provision for whom He wills of His slaves, and also restricts it) for him, and whatsoever you spend of anything (in God’s Cause), He will replace it.  And He is the Best of providers.” (Quran 34:39)

The Value of Generosity

The companions of Prophet Muhammad understood the value of being generous. Abdullah ibn Omar was seen in the market buying fodder for his camel on credit.  One of the men queried this knowing that Abdullah had received 4000 dirhams and a blanket the previous day.  It was explained that before nightfall Abdullah had distributed the money amongst the needy.  He then took the blanket, threw it over his shoulder and headed home, but by the time he arrived even the blanket was gone, he had given it to a needy person.

After the death of the Prophet, the people faced great hardship due to drought.  They came to Abu Bakr asking him to provide them with enough to sustain them, but he was unable to help, the treasury was empty.  Just at that time, the camel caravan belonging to Uthman arrived from Damascus.  It was filled with foodstuffs and other goods.  The merchants gathered at Uthman’s house offering him large amounts of money for the goods; however, he turned them down saying he was prepared only to give the goods to the One from whom he would receive the greatest reward.  Uthman gave all the goods to the starving people of Madinah and did not charge them.  He knew that God would reward him with something far greater than money.

Even in the direst of circumstances, person who is a true believer in Almighty God is able to be generous.

The people came to the Prophet Muhammad and asked, “If someone has nothing to give, what will he do?”  He said, “He should work with his hands and benefit himself and also give in charity (from what he earns).”  The people further asked, “If he cannot find even that?”  He replied, “He should help the needy who appeal for help.”  Then the people asked, “If he cannot do that?”  He replied, “Then he should perform good deeds and keep away from evil deeds and this will be regarded as charitable deeds.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)

And God says in the Quran that He will repay the generosity of a believer.

“And whatever you spend in good, it will be repaid to you in full, and you shall not be wronged.” (Quran 2:272)

God is the One who provides for us and He expects us to share generously.  We are encouraged to be benevolent and unselfish with our possessions, with our time and with our exemplary behaviour towards others.

When honesty is lost, then wait for the Hour (the Day of Judgment).  These are the words of Prophet Muhammad.  They paint a picture of the time leading up to the Day of Judgement, when righteous people will be sorrowful due to the lack of honesty around them.  In the 21^st century, we live in a world where honesty is valued and yet shunned at the same time.  We expect people to be honest in their dealings with us yet we watch and applaud television shows and movies that promote and encourage lying and deceitfulness.

Without thinking, we teach our children that dishonesty is acceptable.  When we expect our children to tell the caller on the telephone we are not home, this is a lesson in deceit.  When we refuse invitations and pretend we are busy, this is lying.  We admonish our children for lying, yet the reality is we have been their teachers.  Whether we tell lies, or whether we allow our children to live in a world surrounded by deceit, the lesson is learned and the honesty begins to disappear from the hearts of the next generation.

Honesty incorporates the concepts of truthfulness and reliability and it resides in all human thought, words, actions and relationships.  It is more than just accuracy; it is more than just truthfulness, it denotes integrity or moral soundness.  Islam commands truthfulness and forbids lying.  God commands that a Muslim be honest.

“O you who believe!  Fear God, and be with those who are true (in word and deeds).” (Quran 9:119)

Ibn Katheer, the renowned Quran scholar, explained the meaning of this verse.  He said, “Being truthful and adhering to truthfulness, means you will be among the people of the truth and be saved from calamity and that it will make a way out for you from your problems”.

A true believer, one who is truly submitted to God, has many characteristics by which he can be identified.  The most obvious of these noble characteristics are honesty of character and truthfulness of speech.  Prophet Mohammad was a perfect example of honesty.  Even before his Prophethood, he had earned the titles of Al Amin (the trustworthy one) and As Sadiq (the truthful).

Al Amin, the Prophet Muhammad once gathered all the people of Mecca and asked them, “O people of Mecca!  If I say that an army is advancing on you from behind the mountains, will you believe me?”  All said in one voice, “Yes, because we have never heard you telling a lie.”  All the people, without exception, swore to his truthfulness and honesty because he had lived an unblemished and extremely pious life among them for forty years.

Abu Sufyan described his honesty.  When Prophet Muhammad sent a letter to the Emperor of Byzantium inviting him to Islam, the Emperor, Heraclius sent for the Meccan trader, Abu Sufyan.  Even though he was, at that time, a dire enemy of Islam, he spoke the truth about Prophet Mohammad when he said, “He neither tells lies nor betrays others, he bids people to worship God Alone and orders us to observe prayer, honesty and abstinence”.[1]

This honesty, an essential ingredient of the Muslim character, includes being truthful towards God by worshipping Him sincerely; being truthful to oneself, by adhering to God’s laws; and being truthful with others by speaking the truth and being honest in all dealings, such as buying, selling and marriage.  There should be no deceiving, cheating, falsifying or withholding of information, thus a person should be the same on the inside as he is on the outside. 

Prophet Muhammad warned us of the dangers inherent in dishonesty, and the benefits of living in an honest way.  He said:

“Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise.  In addition, a man keeps on telling the truth until he becomes a truthful person.  Falsehood leads to wickedness and evil-doing, and wickedness leads to the (Hell) Fire, and a man may keep on telling lies till he is written before God, as a liar”. (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)

A true Islamic society is based upon honesty and justice, and is intolerant of dishonesty in all its various forms.  Honesty in all business transactions is emphasised and the Prophet Muhammad exhorts Muslims to be scrupulously honest in all their dealings.  Abdullah ibn Omar was once described as the “brother of the night.”  He would stand at night performing prayer, weeping, seeking God’s forgiveness and reading Quran.  One day, he was sitting among some close friends and he read the following verses:

“Woe unto those who give short measure, those who, when they are to receive their due from people, demand that it be given in full but when they have to measure or weigh whatever they owe to others, give less than what is due.  Do they not know that they are bound to be raised from the dead (and called to account) on an awesome Day, the Day when all men shall stand before the Sustainer of all the worlds?” (Quran 83:1-6)

Abdullah wept until he was faint and kept repeating the words “the day when all men shall stand before the Sustainer of all the worlds.”  He was amongst the most honest and trustworthy men, but being reminded of the punishment for those who are deceitful filled him with fear.

A Muslim seeking to please God and follow the path of righteousness should be aware of the dangers of deceit and dishonesty.  However, equally he should know that God is all Merciful and all Loving, willing to forgive even the gravest sins for those who strive for His sake.  Honesty is very important in the life of a believer. 

“Honesty descended from the Heavens and settled in the roots of the hearts of men (faithful believers), and then the Quran was revealed and the people read the Quran, (and learnt it from it) and also learnt from the sayings and traditions.  Both the Quran and the traditions strengthened their honesty. (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)

This is from among the many sayings of Prophet Muhammad, many of which forbade deceit and enjoined honesty.  For those who wish to be among the truthful, Prophet Muhammad has left us with these words of guidance, “Let he who believes in God and the Last Day either speak good or keep silent”. (Saheeh Muslim)

Trustworthiness:

In the article entitled Honesty, we discussed how important the concept of honesty is to Islam and how it incorporates truthfulness and reliability.  Another dimension of honesty is trustworthiness, or in Arabic, amanah.  The meaning of amanah is trustworthiness, or, it is something or someone left to someone to protect or keep.  The opposite of amanah is betrayal or even treason.  That is, to fail to keep the trust or amanah in the way the person who left it expected or wanted.

Trustworthiness further enhances the integrity and sound moral conduct that is inherent in the notion of honesty.  Being trustworthy implies being honest, fair in dealings and punctual (in terms of both regularity and timeliness) as well as honouring trusts and keeping promises and commitments.  An important part of the noble Islamic character is being trustworthy.  Prophet Muhammad was known, even before his Prophethood to be Al Amin (the trustworthy one).

While the qualities of honesty and trustworthiness are inextricably entwined, there are slight differences.  Honesty implies a lack of deceit while trustworthiness entails honouring and fulfilling commitments, promises, trusts and covenants.  It covers moral, social, legal and religious obligations.  Being truthful in promises and covenants is one of the characteristics by which the believers are known.  Both promises and covenants involve saying something about an issue to confirm that you will uphold the trust.  This is especially so with regard to one's duties towards God.  God praises the believers by promising them Paradise,

“Those who are faithfully true to their amanah (all the duties which God has ordained, honesty, moral responsibility and trusts, etc.) and to their covenants...these indeed are the inheritors.  Who shall inherit Paradise.  And dwell therein forever” (Quran 23:8, 23:10-11)

Trust, and being worthy of another’s trust, is inherent in being one who is submitted to the will of God.  When God appointed Adam (the father of mankind) as successor on earth,  it was a trust incumbent upon all of mankind.  When God created us as individuals for worshipping Him, it became a trust incumbent upon us to nourish[1]  ourselves and our families in a way that enables worship.

In Islam, every believer is a brother or sister to the other; we are one body, one nation.  The right hand must be able to trust the left hand.  The commands and rules from God are designed for our benefit and Islam holds people’s rights in high esteem.  The systematic arrangement of guidelines and regulations is intended to uphold the rights Islam gives to the believers and to minimise vice and corruption.  Islam strongly condemns the violation of God-given rights.  When God commands us to keep the trust, to be trustworthy, it is not a matter to be taken lightly.

Prophet Muhammad explained the seriousness of upholding the rights due to others when he said, “God says, ‘There are three people whom I shall be their opponent on the Day of Judgment: A man who was given something in My Name and then betrays; A man who sells-off a free man (as a slave) and consumes the price; and A man who hires a labourer, makes use of his service then does not give him his wages.’” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari).  God says in the Quran,

“Verily, God does command you to render back your Trusts to whom they are due.” (Quran 4:58)

In the past God dealt severely with people who were dishonest and did not honour their trusts.  The people of Midian had developed unfair and corrupt business practices and Prophet Shuaib was instructed to warn them of God’s displeasure.

“He said, “O my people!  Worship God, you have no other god but Him, and give not short measure or weight, I see you in prosperity; and verily I fear for you the torment of a Day encompassing.  And O my people!  Give full measure and weight in justice and reduce not the things that are due to the people, and do not commit mischief in the land, causing corruption.  That which is left by God for you (after giving the rights of the people) is better for you, if you are believers.” (Quran 11:85-86)

After Prophet Shuaib issued his warning and the people chose to belittle and ignore him the promise of God was shown to be true.  God is the most Just, the Most Wise and He is the Ultimate Trustee, the One who can be relied upon to fulfil His promises.

“And when Our Commandment came, We saved Shuaib and those who believed with him by a Mercy from Us.  And a torment (or awful cry) seized the wrongdoers, and they lay (dead) prostrate in their homes.” (Quran 11:94)

Reliability, honesty and trustworthiness are characteristics that must be present in anyone who claims to be a believer.  The sayings of Prophet Muhammad indicate that dishonesty and betrayal are completely at odds with the Islamic faith.  Prophet Muhammad informed us that “A hypocrite is known by three traits: When he speaks, he lies; when he promises, he reneges; when he is entrusted, he cheats (or embezzles).” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)

When Abu Ubayda was the commander of the Muslim armies in Syria, the Emperor of Byzantium set out with a large army to recapture Hims.  Abu ‘Ubaida decided to evacuate the city because he had only a handful of soldiers.  He gathered the people of Hims in the middle of the city and announced, “We collected the protection tax from you because we planned to defend you.  Now we are too weak.  In this case, we return the tax we collected.”  All the taxes collected were returned to the non-Muslim people of Hims.  Such was the depth of feeling and understanding displayed by the early Muslims.  They were constantly aware of their obligations towards  God, their brothers and sisters and those who were under the protection of the Muslim armies.

Trustworthiness is a quality that is essential if a society is to function as one unit, bearing in mind the needs and aspirations of all its citizens.  The Muslim nation should be one unit, one nation.  All members of this brotherhood should be able to stand before God knowing that he is safe and secure in the company of one who is trustworthy.  From the lowliest peasant to the mightiest king all are equal, the only thing that makes one member of the unit better than the other is his piety or righteousness.  Amongst the many qualities that blend together to make righteousness, is trustworthiness.

God created human beings to worship Him and a practising Muslim in, essence, should be able to worship God in every second, of every hour of every day.  Islam is a way of life and it means nothing more, or less, than submission to the One God.

“And I (God) created not the jinn and humans except they should worship Me Alone.” (Quran 51:56)

The concept of God in Islam describes Him as the most Merciful and the most Loving and whatever He prescribes for humankind is in the best interest of humankind.  Submission to the will of God is a pathway to purity, to peace and ultimately to Paradise.

The word Quran most frequently uses to describe worship is Ibadah.  Ibadah is the root of the word ‘ubudiyyah, which means to express ones humility or humbleness, and as with most Arabic words there are many shades of meaning.  Ibadah involves more then an awareness of humility.  It is the complete sense of humbleness that overcomes one who is totally submitted to the will of God, the Almighty.  Worship is submission to God, the essential part of submission is humility.

“So glorify the praises of your Lord and be of those who prostrate themselves (to Him).” (Quran 15:98)

Humility can guide us to Paradise, just as its opposite, arrogance, kibr in Arabic, can only lead us into Hell.  It is Satan’s arrogance that caused his expulsion from Paradise; when he refused to humbly obey God’s command and prostrate before Adam, the father of mankind, he condemned himself and his followers to Hell.  Satan’s lack of submission, or humility, resulted in one of the most pious of God’s creatures falling into the abyss.[1]

Except Satan, he refused to be among the prostrators.  God said, 'O Satan!  What is your reason for not being among the prostrators?  ‘Satan said: 'I am not the one to prostrate myself to a human being, whom You created from sounding clay...” (Quran 15:30-35)

No one who behaves arrogantly or who acts as if he or she has power over others is capable of true submission.  All power and strength is from God Alone.  All human beings are equal in the sight of God and the distinctions between nations, tribes, and families are only to know each other and not for the sake pride.

“O mankind!  We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another.  Verily, the most honourable of you with God is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa (God consciousness).  Verily, God is All-Knowing, All-Aware.” (Quran 49:15)

Humility is Piety

The main pillar of worship, Ibadah, is the prayer.  The congregational prayer  is performed in rows where all men stand before God as equals.[2]  There is no special place for the rich or powerful, the meek and poor are not relegated to the back lines.  Each man bows his head in humility knowing that his brothers, on either side of him are equally important in the sight of God.  Only one thing raises one man or woman above another – piety.  True piety or righteousness is not achievable without cultivating a sense of humility.

“And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth.  Verily, God likes not each arrogant boaster.” (Quran 31:18)

Humility comes from knowing about God and recognising His greatness, venerating Him, loving Him and being in awe of Him; and it comes from knowing about oneself and one’s own faults, and weaknesses.  God gives this characteristic to those who struggle to become close to Him through deeds of piety and righteousness.[3]  A companion close to the Prophet Muhammad heard him say,

“Wealth does not decrease because of charity, and God increases His slave in honour when he forgives others.  And no one humbles himself before God but God will raise him (in status).” (Saheeh Muslim )

Humility is one of the greatest blessings God can bestow on a human being.  It allows one to achieve genuine submission.  Prophet Muhammad was truly submitted to God; his character was one of complete humility and based on sincere trust in God.  He was a model of kindness and humbleness.  In fact, the characteristics displayed by Prophet Muhammad were the exact opposite of pride and arrogance.  Every aspect of his life reflected humbleness, even his walking, talking, sitting or eating.

The Prophet did not behave towards others as if he was better than they were, nor did he spurn manual work.  One of his companions reported that Prophet Muhammad worked happily with servants or workers.  Other companions related that the Prophet tidied his house, tied camels, feed animals, ate meals with his servants, and helped them in kneading dough and bringing provisions from the market.  It was also reported that he used to visit the sick, attend funerals, ride on a donkey, slow down his pace for the sake of the weak and accept invitations from the poor.

The companions of Prophet Muhammad and the early generations of Muslims understood the concept of humility.  They behaved humbly towards God and mankind because of their love for God, and their fellow man, and fear of punishment in the Hereafter.

During his Caliphate, Omar ibn Al Khattab was marching upon Damascus with his army.  Abu Ubayda was with him.  They came upon a little lake.  Omar descended from his camel, took off his shoes, tied them together, and hung them on his shoulder.  He then took the halter off his camel and they entered the water together.  Seeing this in front of the army, Abu Ubayda said, “O Commander of the Believers! How can you be so humble in front of all your men?”  Omar answered, “Woe to you, Abu Ubayda!  If only anyone else other than you thought this way!  Thoughts like this will cause the downfall of the Muslims.  Don't you see we were indeed a very lowly people?  God raised us to a position of honour and greatness through Islam.  If we forget who we are and wish other than the Islam which elevated us, the One who raised us surely will debase us.”

The one who is truly humble is the one who is truly blessed.  Every time he feels superior to others, he remembers God, the Most Great and Omnipotent, and humbles himself in true submission.

“And the slaves of God are those who walk on the earth in humility and calmness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness.” (Quran 25:63)

The condition of being honoured esteemed or well regarded.  This is the most commonly understood definition of respect.  In fact, the thesaurus goes on the describe respect as a courteous regard for peoples feelings and links respect to honour, kindness, obedience and tolerance.  So what is the role of respect in Islam?  Islam states that it is the responsibility of each individual to treat all of creation with respect, honour and dignity.  The most deserving of respect is the Creator Himself.  Respect begins with loving and obeying the commandments of God and from this respect flow all the manners and high standards of morality that are inherent in Islam.

“And whosoever obeys God and His Messenger, fears God, and keeps his duty (to Him), such are the successful ones.” (Quran 24:52)

To be one of those who are successful, Islam requires that each individual learn to obey the Creator and thus treat humankind, our environment, the believers and ourselves with respect.  Bearing in mind that the believers are one nation, and if one part of the nation is in peril so too are all its parts, respect for each other is essential.  Islam teaches us that we are held accountable not only for our thoughts and actions but for the influence, we have over others and the creation.  Islam asks us to enjoin the good and forbid the evil.  Islam binds respect to peace, love and compassion, all attributes of the One God, therefore to fulfil our obligation to honour and obey God one must respect the honour, reputation and privacy of others.  Respect involves staying completely away from the major sins of backbiting, lying, slander, and gossip.

Respect for humanity means staying away from sins that will sow discord among the people and lead to destruction.  Respect includes loving for our brothers and sisters what we love for ourselves.  Respect involves treating others the way we expect to be treated and the way we hope God will treat us –with compassion, love and mercy.  Major sins put a barrier between humanity and God’s Mercy and cause all the torment, misery and evil in this world and the hereafter.  God commands us to stay away from sin and to strive against our own destructive character flaws.  He also singles out suspicion, backbiting and gossip as bringing about nothing but shame and disgrace.

“O you who believe!  Avoid much suspicion, indeed some suspicions are sins.  And spy not, neither backbite one another.  Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother?  You would hate it (so hate backbiting).  And fear God.  Verily, God is the One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful.” (Quran 49:12)

Ibn Abbass, a companion of Prophet Muhammad and Quran commentator said God forbade backbiting just as He forbade the eating of dead flesh.  Eating dead flesh is something that people naturally have abhorrence to and they should have the same natural abhorrence to backbiting one another.  Respect involves caring for one another not shredding characters the way carrion would shred a dead animal.

Backbiting

Some people might say that backbiting is merely words and ask what harm it can do.  Words are indeed powerful and have far-reaching effects.  In addition to the obvious lack of respect involved in back biting, mere words cause pain to the one maligned and consign the backbiter to the fires of Hell.  Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him,  warned us of the fate awaiting those who utter disrespect.  He said, “A man might speak a word without thinking about its implications, but because of it, he will plunge into the Hellfire further than the distance between the east and west.”[1]

On one occasion, a close companion of Prophet inquired how he could be admitted into Paradise and distanced from the Hellfire.  Prophet Muhammad mentioned the virtues of good deeds and asked his companion if he desired to know the foundation of good deeds.  The companion answered “certainly”, where upon Prophet Muhammad took a hold of his own tongue and said, “restrain yourself from this”.  The companion asked incredulously “are we held accountable for the things that we say?”  Prophet Muhammad replied that nothing sends people into the hellfire faster than the “harvest of their tongues”.[2]

Having established that backbiting is anything but mere words how can we define exactly what it is.  Backbiting is talking about somebody in a derogatory way or in a way that would not be pleasing to the one being spoken about.  It is called back biting because it is usually done when the person being maligned is absent or “behind his back”.  Prophet Muhammad defined backbiting as “to mention about your brother something that he would dislike having mentioned about him”.[3]  Imam An Nawawi commented that backbiting included “what concerns his body, his religious practice, his worldly station, his physical appearance, his moral character, his wealth, his parents, his children, his spouse, his servant, his clothing, his activities, his smiles and frowns and anything else that pertains to him.  It does not matter if you mention it explicitly by word or implicitly by indication or a gesture…”

In the same saying mentioned above, the Prophet Muhammad was asked about backbiting in relation to truthful comments.  He explained the severity of backbiting, and explained the difference between it and slander, by saying, “If what you said about your brother is true, then you have backbitten him.  If what you said about him is false, then you have slandered him”.[4]  Slander is making a false statement; it is a major sin and deserves a severe punishment.  God says in the Quran:

“And those who malign believing men and women undeservedly bear upon themselves the guilt of slander and a manifest sin.” (33:58)

In another narration of Prophet Muhammad, his beloved wife Aisha made a comment about one of her co-wives by describing her as short, or small in stature.  Prophet Muhammad responded in a way that made clear the severity of her words.  He said, “You have said a word that if it was to be mixed with the water of the sea, it would contaminate it.”[5]

Backbiting has become so widespread nowadays that people use it as a way of expressing anger and jealousy.  Those who engage in it are disrespecting God by disobeying Him and harming others.  Magazines and television shows are devoted to gossiping and prying into the private lives of others.  There is no respect for privacy, and contrary to popular belief, the lives of others are not source material for gossip sessions.  The person who habitually engages in backbiting and gossip and who does not struggle against his desires and begs for God’s forgiveness has lost all respect for himself for he no longer fears the fires of Hell.  The sin is grave, the punishment severe, but God is Merciful and always accepts sincere repentance.

“...if any of you does evil in ignorance, and thereafter repents and does righteous good deeds (by obeying God), then surely, He is Oft ­Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Quran 6:54)

In this new century punctuated by astounding technological advancement, and instant global communication it has become commonplace to hear people talk about respect, or lack of it.  One hears about respect for the environment, respect for other cultures and religions, respect for each other and the catch cry of the 21^st century - self respect.  We lose respect for our politicians and governments, we gain respect for our sporting heroes and actors.  We try to respect our planet by turning off taps and unnecessary lights.  We complain bitterly about our lives and the lack of respect we feel at home and at work.  We live in a topsy- turvy world where we talk reverently of actors who give charity to drought ravaged countries while we throw food into garbage bins.  We shed tears over drug-addicted singers yet step over the homeless cluttering our streets.  We respect the learned men that warn us of global warming but we ignore the commandments of our Creator.  We understand the significance of respect but we are unable to attain it.  For many of us the essence is lost!

How can we regain this lost quality of respect that for many of us is seemingly unattainable?  Simply by following God’s commandments and worshipping Him accordingly.  God says in the Quran that He created mankind for no reason except to worship Him.  (Quran 51:56)  Worshipping God is showing Him the respect He deserves.  Worshipping God makes it possible for us to treat all of mankind with respect, it allows us to treat the environment with respect and it gives others permission to respect us.  Then are no human beings more worthy of our respect then those whose piety and closeness to God is obvious.  In the previous article we discussed the dangers inherent in backbiting and gossip, and how those who engage in such behaviour have lost respect for themselves and more importantly, for God.

As human beings, we all must struggle against our base desires and one of the hardest sins to resist is gossiping about others.  However, to worship and love God in the correct way it is imperative that we try to rid ourselves of the evil of backbiting.  One way to clear ourselves of this ignoble character trait is to cultivate closeness to God by reflecting upon the verses of Quran and sayings of Prophet Muhammad that remind us of God’s punishment and encourage us to repent.

“Or do they think that We hear not their secrets and their private counsel?  (Yes, We do) and Our Messengers (appointed angels in charge of mankind) are by them, to record.” (Quran 43:80)

Prophet Muhammad encouraged us to feel shame before God; He said, “Feel shame before God as you ought to feel shame before Him.  So guard the head and what it contains, guard the stomach and what you put in it, and think upon death and returning to dust”[1]  We should feel this shame whenever we backbite, and take the opportunity to reflect upon what we loose if we engage in this behaviour.  We loose the essence of respect.

Disrespect is not part of Islam

Prophet Muhammad was continually teaching his companions and reminding them about the seriousness of disobeying God.  In many sayings, he explains the grave consequences of not respecting the rights of others.  He said, “The one who is bankrupt from among my followers is he who comes on the Day of Resurrection with prayer, charity, and fasting to his credit.  However, he had insulted this person, struck that person, and seized the wealth of another, because of which his good deeds will be taken from him.  Then, if his good deeds are exhausted, the sins of those whom he wronged will be taken from them and foisted upon him and then he will be cast into the Fire.”[2]  A true believer strives to improve himself and is aware of his responsibility to protect others rather than disrespect them.  In Islam, believers do not disrespect each other nor do they tolerate disrespect towards their brothers and sisters.

Another quick and easy way to protect ourselves from the evils of gossip and backbiting is to stay away from those who engage in it.  God says in the Quran:

“And when they hear dirty, false, evil vain talk, they withdraw from it and say, "To us our deeds, and to you your deeds.  Peace be to you.  We seek not the ignorant.” (Quran 28:55)

Prophet Mohammad placed great emphasis on being around righteous people rather then those who occupy their time with vain, useless activities or talk.  He said, “The likeness of a good companion and a bad companion is that of a person carrying musk and another who works the bellows.  The person carrying musk might give you some of it or at the very least, you will enjoy the pleasant scent.  The person with the bellows will either singe your clothing or at least make you suffer from the bad smell.”[3]

Keeping company with righteous people helps one to avoid backbiting and gossip because caring friends will remind each other of the evils and punishments associated with such behaviour.  It is also useful to reflect on our own shortcomings and character flaws rather then gossip about the faults of others.  The great scholar, Hasan al-Basri said: “We used to remind each other that whoever faults his brother on account of a sin that he had repented from, God will punish him by having him fall into that sin himself.”

Having established that backbiting, and gossip are great sins, the scholars of Islam have explained however, that there are certain conditions under which it may be permissible to talk about the faults and characteristics of others.[4]  It is allowable for one who is being oppressed to inform the authorities of the wrongs being committed against him.  It is allowable for those who see vice to inform those who are capable of removing it.  It is also allowable to mention people’s faults when seeking sincere religious advice from those qualified to give it.  It is permissible to mention someone by describing them (blind, deaf, in a wheelchair etc) as long as it is not done in a belittling or mocking fashion.  Lastly, it is not allowable to hide the character faults of a person known to you from those seeking marriage or business advice.

Careful analysis of the above conditions reveals that respect is inherent in these exceptions.  To oppress someone is to disrespect them, to commit vice is to disrespect the community and to deceive people who ask for sincere advice is also a form of disrespect.  If we feel ourselves disrespected then we should look to our own sins and turn to God in repentance.  If the essence of respect is missing in our lives then we can regain it by worshipping God with full submission.  Islam insists that we show respect for God, by obeying Him and to obey Him inherently means respecting others and ourselves.

In the previous articles about respect, we discussed how respect for each other, our environment and ourselves was inherent in the religion of Islam.  The concept of treating ourselves and everything around us with respect is not possible without complete submission to God, and without understanding how and why we surrender to His will.  God reminds us in Quran that our sole purpose in life is to worship Him.

“And I (God) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone).” (Quran 51:56)

Worshipping God does not spending  the entire day in one place praying, it does not mean that we neglect the life of this world in favour of a life of seclusion; what it means is that we fulfill our obligations towards God and attempt to have Him constantly on our minds and tongues.  The mundane tasks of life become worship when they are done to please our Creator.  When we fulfil our obligations such as to pray, fast, and give charity, it becomes worship when done with a sense of gratitude and humbleness.  God does not need us, for He is Self-sufficient and Omnipotent. We are the ones in need of Him.  He is the reason for our existence and He is the foundation on which we should build our lives.

Lives lived with out purpose lead to nothing but loss.

“By the time!  Man is in loss, Except those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth, and recommend one another to patience.” (Quran 103:1-3)

However, filling our lives with purpose enables contentment and this allows us to show respect for each other and ourselves.  Respect for God means obeying Him.  Obeying God means we are in the enviable position of being worthy of others respect.  Failure to surrender to God leads to lives devoid of respect.  Treating each other with contempt, gossiping and backbiting shows a lack of respect in our lives.  Engaging in the great sins of lying, spying on others and using bad words also means we are not worthy of being shown respect by others.

Lying

Lying is one of the major reasons for corruption in society.  Any form of lying creates enmity and sews disrespect between people, but the most obnoxious form of lying is to falsely attributing things to God or to his Prophets and Messenger.  Islam forbids lying and enjoins the believers to be truthful.  The words of Quran testify to this.  God says:

“O you who believe!  Be wary of God, and be with those who are true (in words and deeds).” (Quran 9:119)

And

“…who does more wrong than one who invents a lie against God, to lead mankind astray without knowledge?” (Quran 6:144)

In his narrations and sayings, Prophet Muhammad often exhorted his followers to adhere to honesty and stay away from the vices inherent in lying.  He said,

“Beware of telling lies, for lying leads to immorality and immorality leads to Hellfire.”[1]

Even one of his greatest enemies attested to the fact that Prophet Muhammad was truthful and commanded truthfulness.  Abu Sufyan[2], although despising the Prophet, revealed that he commanded his follows to pray, to be truthful and to uphold the ties of kinship.[3]

Spying

Prophet Muhammad warned his followers of the evils of spying on others when he said,

‘Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the falsest of speech.  Do not eavesdrop; do not spy on one another; do not envy one another; do not forsake one another; do not hate one another.  Be, O slaves of God, brothers.”[4]

  Indeed God himself has reminded us to avoid suspicion.  He said:

“Avoid much suspicion; indeed some suspicions are sins.  And spy not…” (Quran 49:12)

In Islam, it is not permissible to search for or reveal the secrets of others.  Spying and all it involves, such as eavesdropping and asking too many private questions, is forbidden because it involves disrespecting the private lives of others by disobeying God.

The great and well respected Caliph Umar ibn Abdul-Azeez  said to someone who passed on  malicious gossip to him:

“If you wish, we can look into the matter.  If you are lying, you will be one of the people mentioned by God in the verse, “If a rebellious evil person comes to you with news, verify it, lest you harm people in ignorance, and afterwards you become regretful to what you have done.” (Quran 49:6)  If you are telling the truth, you will be one of the people mentioned in the verse, “A slanderer, going about with calumnies.” (Quran 68:11)  Or if you wish, we will forgive you”.  He said, “Forgive me, O Leader of the believers, I will never do it again.”  Lying, gossiping, slandering and spying are great sins, so to is using bad words.

Foul Language

Bad words show disrespect to those being spoken about and a total lack of self-respect.  Reviling, insulting, cursing and rudeness, these are bad words and they usually are uttered when someone is overcome by anger.  Anger is an emotion that may open the doors to all kinds of evil and disrespect.  It can sometimes result in breaking the bonds of goodwill and even destroy family relationships.  Anger can even move beyond just using insulting words and cause one person to physically harm another.

Prophet Muhammad was not a person to use insulting words or obscene language and he did not curse people.  If he wanted to rebuke someone he would say, “What is wrong with him?  – woe to him!”[5]  The true believer, the one submitted to God, must learn to control his tongue and not speak unless he says something good.  In his sayings, Prophet Muhammad reminds us that whoever believes in God the Last Day (or Judgement) must speak good or keep silent[6].  He said trading insults with a believer was evil, fighting was minor disbelief and cursing a believer was like killing him.[7]

Stern words indeed, they leave no room for misinterpretation.  Bad words lead to evil doing and ultimately punishment.  God reminds us that the best speech is the remembrance of God because it brings contentment and a sense of peace.

“… verily, in the remembrance of God do hearts find rest” (Quran 13:28)

A person who keeps himself busy doing good deeds and seeking God’s pleasure is a person who knows the meaning of respect.